Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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