Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
