You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
