btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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