I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
