I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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