I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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