where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
