Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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