The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
