all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
