she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
