'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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