I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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