So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
