high people should be assigned attendants
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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