I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
