does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
