Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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