I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you never un-have a 4some
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
