i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
