i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
