i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
