nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
