Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
