Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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