i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
