I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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