Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
