Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
