This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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