A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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