I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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