Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize