I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
