I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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