FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
