it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
