Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
