You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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