nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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