Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
