Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
