You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
