Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She's JV to your varsity
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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