My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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