the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
