Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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