No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
