WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
