Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
