A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
