how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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