okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
