she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
