Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're like the curious george of whores
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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