Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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