u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
