ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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