awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
