His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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