I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
