I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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