hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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