You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
