the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
