Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
