Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
