sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
