During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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