I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
