i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
