God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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