im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
