Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
