well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
